The Kiss
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: A first kiss can be unexpected, planned in advance, rushed, confusing... Series of one shots about Jane and Maura's possible first kiss. J/M fic.
1. One - Unexpected

**Author's note: Here's a series of one shots about Jane and Maura's possible first kiss. I hope that you will enjoy them. Daily updates, reviews more than appreciated.**

 **...**

 **One – Unexpectedly**

The nerves she had. Jane clenched her fists and cast a very last glance at Maura before turning on her heels. This wasn't how it was supposed to work. No – no – and no. She headed towards the door of her friend's office and prepared herself for a dramatic exit. But as usual in these moments of anger, nothing went as planned. Focused on the corridor that was straight in front of her, Jane missed one of the cardboard boxes on the floor and stumbled on it.

She lost her balance – hit the door frame – and loudly landed on the floor lost in an ocean of plastic bones.

"Oh my God, Jane!" Maura rushed to her friend and squatted next to her. At no moment had she showed any sign of resentment, even before Jane knocked herself out. She was impulsive; childish, at times. It was simply the way she usually was. "Are you alright? The femur missed your eye by an inch..."

Jane's dark eyes stopped on Maura.

It was just one of these days when nothing went as planned. In the morning, her favorite coffee place - Boston Joes - had run out of sugar. How was that even possible? Then she had made it to the BPD only to learn that she and Frost were losing a case to the drug unit. Then by lunch time half of her burrito had landed on her shirt because food never managed to defy gravity when she was holding some with her hand and now she got assaulted by Maura's latest bone obsession.

"Am I bleeding?" Jane brought a hand to her head and winced in pain. She had actually hurt herself. Way to leave the room with class. Really. "Don't think I've forgotten what you've done because I haven't, Maura."

Yet not really eager to leave the room, Jane settled on the floor and sat Indian style before leaning her back against the door. She pursed her lips and shook her head at her friend. She was dizzy. Maura didn't even look annoyed. As a matter of fact, a perfect serenity seemed to embrace her features and echoed the smile that played on her lips.

"It is just a dinner."

Jane snorted. As loudly as she could. She folded her legs up – wrapped her arms around them - and leaned her chin on top of her knees. Her position betrayed a cruel need of protection. She felt too bare, too vulnerable right now.

"You accepted for me without letting me know first. What if I had planned something else? What if I didn't feel like going to it? You know I hate these socialite things."

An imperceptible shade of red went up Maura's cheeks.

Slightly embarrassed by the comment, she looked down and grabbed one of the bones that had fallen out of the box that Jane had knocked over. Her finger went from one extremity to the other following its singular shape.

"I didn't want to be alone."

The confession took Jane aback. Maura's loneliness wasn't novelty but she hated it when her friend dared to admit her reluctance to face such side of her life. It always made her feel guilty and bad.

As much as Maura said that she was accustomed to the idea of being lonely, Jane knew that a habit was not necessarily something sweet. The nuance was harsh, actually.

"Oh." Ugh. Really? That was all she could come up with? Cursing against herself, Jane took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Sometimes the words came better this way. She forgot all the rest – her surroundings and Maura's gaze on her – then she focused on what really mattered, what she wanted to say to her friend. "You won't find Mr. Right if I'm always by your side, you know. This isn't how it works, Maura."

Humor.

A pitiful way to escape the seriousness of the situation. A typical Jane move too.

Although even if she wasn't being serious, Jane had to admit that there was something true in her words. What kind of people always showed up with 'a friend' apart from the ones who hadn't found their significant others yet? It was just a subterfuge to keep distance with a loneliness that didn't fool any guest.

And at the age of forty years old, it worked even less.

"I doubt that I will meet anyone during these dinners. It isn't the purpose of such kind of events. I mean, not really... Of course there is always the possibility to share a nice moment with someone but it rarely goes any further."

Unless she wanted to but Maura had turned the page over such kind of scenarios for quite a while. She wasn't interested in this anymore. It never led anywhere anyway.

Jane tried to ignore the latent bitterness in her friend's tone of voice and forced herself to smile instead. She had to cheer her up, no matter how.

"You're ruining the fun. What's the point of getting drunk on Champagne then if it's not to flirt with some good-looking millionaire?"

Jane started retrieving the plastic bones that littered the floor. Her attempt to sound casual and funny had failed. Her so-called joke fell flat. It didn't make Maura laugh. But then the idea of dating millionaires wasn't foreign to her reality so she couldn't get Jane's joke properly.

That and the fact she was too literal; way too literal.

Jane raised a hand in the air to apologize and shook her head. She had learned to not make fun of her friend. It did not work all the time but the current context was such that she actually didn't feel the desire to laugh. She had just thrown a scene at her best friend because of a charity dinner. It was almost as ridiculous as the way she had stumbled on a box full of plastic bones.

"Never mind. We're not in the 60's anymore. This Mr. Right bullshit gotta..."

Her very next word got trapped in her throat and died in a gasp of surprise as she felt Maura's lips on hers. It lasted two seconds, barely two seconds. A furtive kiss.

An unexpected one.

"I am not looking for any Mr. Right."

Maura's voice rose with an impressive self-confidence, the logical continuation of her bold move; of her unexpected kiss. Vulnerable but charmed – shaking like a leaf – Jane remained still and began to smile the moment she locked her eyes with Maura's hazel ones.


	2. Two - Planned

**Author's note: Thank you everyone for the reviews, the messages and the suggestions (Tumblr account: rizzoliandislesconsequences).**

 **...**

 **Two – Planned**

It would work out. It had to anyway because she had reached this point of no-return when it is just impossible to keep on pretending any longer.

The project had taken seven weeks, five of them dedicated to the analysis of her so-called courage to actually dare to say something. Once she had managed to convince herself that she was ready, the fourteen remaining days had been a breeze.

Or so.

A thousand scenarios had started building in her head, pushed by years of shameful dreams and quiet fantasies. In a word: she had thought about this moment so many times already that she knew how she wanted it to be. And so she would get it.

"Did you hear the weird noise at 3am? I slept like shit. It's official: I'm a city girl. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, be sure of that."

Maura pushed away her thoughts and turned around to look at Jane. Back to reality, back to her plan. It was very early in the morning. The sun was shining, there was not a single cloud in the sky: it was the perfect day to make her dream come true.

"I can assure you that it is worth any sleepless night. The scenic view from the summit is breathtaking and hiking is an excellent way to exercize a bit."

In spite of the comfort the places they used to go to actually brought, Maura had always imagined that it would happen out of Boston. The distance with their daily lives would have on them a relaxing effect of some sort and they would lose their inhibitions; if only a tiny part of them. Or at least she hoped so.

Jane mumbled an inaudible reply through clenched teeth and grabbed the backpack she had bought for the occasion. It was a small one, perfect for a day out in the mountains.

She adjusted her ponytail and checked her reflection in the mirror of their motel bedroom for a very last time. All in all she didn't look bad. It was just that her attire was completely foreign to her life.

"I look like Reese Witherspoon in _Wild_. Please tell me you didn't lie and we're not about to walk the PCT too."

"How could we walk the _Pacific Crest Trail_ from the East Coast, Jane?" Maura grabbed her very own backpack and opened the door of their room. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The next time she would pass this door, something important would have happened in their lives. "Come on, here we go. We don't want to be late. It still takes four hours to reach the summit."

Jane followed her without saying a word. They could actually see the top of the mountain from the parking lot of the motel. It didn't look high but Jane knew better: it was just a trick. Their four-hour hike would be painful. Atrociously painful.

She could hardly say that she had welcomed Maura's weekend suggestion enthusiastically enough. What had become of her obsession for expensive spa afternoons and spiritual retreats? Hiking was a first from Maura; a first Jane wasn't sure how to handle if she managed to handle it at all.

She was anything but a hike specialist.

Yet the first part of their journey through the wilderness of Massachusetts turned out to be nonetheless rather easy. The hiking trail started right at the end of the motel by a gas station and plunged the hikers into a labyrinth of trees. Woods, quiet ones. Peaceful.

"The woman at the reception last night told me that there were bears in the area." Jane forced a smile but her shaking tone of voice betrayed her latent fear.

"Not on this side of the trail. We should do just fine, Jane." Maura being Maura, this was the kind of details that she had definitely checked before choosing to go hiking in the area. It was not supposed to turn into a fatal weekend. Not at all. "She probably tried to scare you a bit."

"Gladys looked serious though!" Conscious that she was acting like a scared puppy, Jane took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. "Never mind. At least being eaten by a bear sounds more heroic than dying because of a cruel lack of caffeine at the BPD."

The mere thought of running out of coffee made her shudder. Now _that_ was a real nightmare, one that spoke to her and loudly.

The sunlight started winning over the shadows of the woods and they soon reached a meadow, already quite high compared to the spot where they had started their hike. Yet the path considerably went up from now on.

The second part of their journey belonged to another level. This wasn't for beginners anymore. Not at all.

They came across five hikers in total. Maura had chosen this trail to the other one – on the other side – for this exact reason: she didn't want the touristic and crowded path. Her plan required intimacy and quietness. She was glad to see that Jane wasn't renouncing. The hike was intense but she was focused and her typical stubbornness pushed her to keep on walking no matter what. She was determined to succeed. As for Maura, she was simply lost in an ocean of what-ifs that didn't stop growing with every step she made that took her closer and closer to the summit.

"Oh my God, here we are!"

In a very last effort, Jane ran up the path and dropped her backpack on the ground before raising her arms in an obvious sign of victory. She cast a brief glance at Maura before focusing on the landscape.

Her friend was right: the view was breathtaking.

Maura nervously put her very own backpack on the grass and sat next to Jane. Her heart was beating fast. She had dreamed about this moment so many times that she could barely believe that it had finally come into her life.

"There is a story that comes with this place, with the summit of this mountain." She looked down at her lap and let the words come out. "Do you see the two mountains straight in front of you that seem to touch each other at the very top? The shape of the rocks is such that it looks like two intertwined hands; two lovers' hands. That's why people come here with someone. They make a comparison between these two intertwined mountains and the feelings they have for the person who came along with them... It is a symbol of the future they want to spend with this specific person. A symbol of the love they want to confess..." She swallowed hard. "I love you, Jane."

Carried by a surge of courage – an odd and troubling feeling of self-confidence - Maura turned her head around and bent over to capture Jane's lips in a kiss. A long one; sweet, desperately wanted for what looked like an eternity.

And relieving, the moment she realized that Jane wasn't running away from it.


	3. Three - Angsty

**Author's note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages (I am going to reply to the messages today).**

 **...**

 **Three – Angsty**

She hadn't meant to slam the door of the restaurant but then she hadn't meant many, many things that were still going on. It took her five steps to realize that it was pouring and two more to come to the conclusion that she needed a taxi as it was Maura who had driven them to the restaurant earlier in the evening.

Repressing a shudder the moment icy rain drops slid along her nape and came to die against her back between her skin and her warm clothes, Jane swallowed hard and went to stand by the edge of the sidewalk just to see if a taxi that was available was coming her way.

Of course the street had to be empty. It never worked like in movies.

"Fuck it."

Her anger rose anew in her lower stomach – boiled in her veins – and caused her to turn around to resume her walking.

She needed to reach an avenue. Once there, she would have more chances to find a taxi. She had learned her lesson though: she would never go to the restaurant with someone else's car again. That was over. She was on the other side of town – it was pouring hard – and there was no way she would go back home walking. Or even running. She was too far. End of the story.

"Jane!"

And of course Maura had caught her back. How could she even run in the rain while wearing these vertiginous stilettos? Jane cast a glance at her own feet. She was wearing high heels herself, as a matter of fact. And a dress. A fucking classy black dress. What for? She honestly didn't know anymore.

"Leave me alone!"

Jane started walking again and tried to ignore the way her heart began to ache.

Well, this wasn't entirely true because it had started aching the moment she had stepped into the restaurant only to see that Maura wanted to introduce her to some guy. The typical good-looking guy, with an expensive suit and Italian shoes. An attorney, maybe. Who cared? She had completely zapped out whatever Maura had told her about him.

"Jane, what is going on? This isn't very polite. Why are you running away like that? You took me and Alex aback..."

Jane snorted and crossed her arms against her chest. She wouldn't stop walking. Certainly not. She was soaked wet and felt very cold now. They were in August, dammit. Why was the rain so icy?

"Oh, poor him."

Needless to say that Maura didn't miss the sarcasm in her voice. Not this time. How could she, anyway? Jane had been anything but subtle. Her tone was slightly insulting, as a matter of fact.

"You aren't being very nice..." Maura turned around the moment she realized how shaking her voice was. Yes, she was on the verge of bursting into tears in the middle of the street because Jane's behavior hurt her a lot more than what she would ever admit. "Why such behavior? He hasn't done anything to do. I wanted you to meet him because... Because he is nice and I am happy when I am with him..."

"Bullshit!" Alright. Perhaps Jane shouldn't have yelled it so loudly because it scared the only passer-by crazy enough to walk on the street in spite of the weather: some old lady in her eighties who made a step backwards the moment Jane abandoned herself to the sudden outburst. Feeling sorry, Jane raised an apologetic hand then focused back on Maura. "You met him last week! How can he make you happy already? Don't be so naive, dammit!"

She had stopped walking. Of course.

What was it that she could never hold her promise to herself when it came to take her distance with Maura? She had allowed her to approach and she couldn't now but accept to face whatever conversation Maura wanted to have.

She would never learn, would she?

"I felt happy within thirty seconds the day I met you. It isn't something I control. It just happens." Maura shrugged and bit her lower lip with great hesitation. She looked as confused as Jane. Not as soaked wet though as she had picked an umbrella before going out. "Why don't you want to give him a chance? I am not doing anything bad, after all..."

"He's not made for you. Can't you see it? He's boring and... And shy. This isn't the kind of person you need in your life. Don't be with someone just because you don't want to be alone anymore, Maura."

Jane looked down as a wave of shame passed underneath her skin. Her very last comment was a low blow. A very low one. She opened her mouth to speak but Maura turned out to be faster.

"Alex isn't... He isn't like that. He deserves his chance. Everyone deserves a chance. If I don't give him one, how will I know that I won't have missed out what could be the chance of my life?"

Jane shook her head and brought her hands to her face.

Her anger was such that she felt dizzy and wasn't sure anymore if what ran down her cheeks were rain drops or tears. The tension was building within her body; strong, impossile to control. Her breath was loud and she was shaking. She couldn't let this happen. She couldn't do that.

"Then give me one!" She held her breath and timidly looked up at Maura before swallowing hard as a delicate realization suddenly hit her. Her anger subdued, vanishing in an ocean of doubts. "Then give me my chance."

Something was starting to make sense, something that had remained blurry for too many years.

And before Maura had a chance to react, Jane closed the distance that separated them. She passed a hand on her friend's nape to drag her closer to her own body before capturing her lips in a desperate kiss.

The heat of Maura's skin – contrasting sharply with the iciness of the rain – made her shiver.

This was what she wanted.

This was what she had always wanted.

Surprised at first, Maura didn't move an inch. Maybe it only lasted a couple of seconds yet she had the feeling that time had suddenly frozen. Something was happening. Her brain was in turmoil, trying desperately to analyze the whole thing; this whirl of feelings she was going through. And then it made sense.

Suddenly. Comfortingly.

She let go of her umbrella – the item landing quietly on the asphalt – and couldn't help but smile in their kiss the moment she felt a warm feeling rise in her lower stomach and she abandoned herself to Jane's arms.


	4. Four - Daring

**Author's note: Thank you all for the reviews and messages, I am glad to see that you are enjoying these one shots.**

 **...**

 **Four – Daring**

"You are, Jane. But it is just fine. Nobody is going to hold it against you. This is the way you are, the way you were raised. You cannot help it."

The gasp that escaped from Jane's lips couldn't sound more dramatic.

She set down the grocery brown paper bag on the kitchen counter and squinted her eyes at Maura. A hand on her hip, she pursed her lips to repress a smile. She loved pretending that she was mad when she wasn't at all. It was their very own way to fool around. Many people didn't understand the way their relation worked but she couldn't care less about their incomprehension because she – Jane – loved it more than anything else.

"Is this your way to tell me I'm uptight? Really?!" Falsely shocked, Jane shooked her head and proceeded to take out of the bag the groceries they had just bought. "There's a freakin' difference between being uptight and... And being a tad flighty."

The silence that followed her remark made her doubt. Perhaps she had gone too far, this time. Yet Maura knew the implicit rules of their game. She wouldn't take it badly. Would she? She didn't really mean what she had just said.

Slightly uncertain, Jane turned around and looked at her friend. Maura had frozen – baffled – while a mysterious smirk had embraced her lips.

"There is nothing devilish about sex, Jane. Why turning down something that is healthy and can bring you pleasure? You are missing... Big, actually."

If Maura didn't have any kind of impulsive reaction, Jane couldn't be more different. She rolled her eyes before snorting as loudly as she could. A beer. She needed a beer.

She walked to the fridge – opened it – and grabbed a bottle. Her gesture didn't fool Maura, though. She was simply trying to win some time because she had absolutely no idea how to reply.

Yet there was no way that she would let her friend win. She loved playing with Maura but her competitive spirit was such that she had to win; no matter what.

"The hell?! Besides, he wasn't even good-looking! Nah... Not my type."

Jane shook her head vehemently.

Everything had started in the pasta aisle of the supermarket when some guy had tried to chat her up and Maura had pushed her to play along when the only thing she wanted was to run away from the stranger. She wasn't in the mood for this. They had left the BPD rather late after a stressful day and the only thing she wanted was to go back home – or better said, go back to Maura's place – to spend a relaxing evening not doing much.

Planning a potential date was certainly not something she was aiming for at the moment.

"You know, I actually start wondering if you have a type at all. You don't even like talking about men. When someone suggests you to go on a date with a third party, you always end up finding a reason to turn them down. Too short, too boring, too tall, too... Too much!"

Okay. Their silly banter was taking a direction that Jane wasn't sure to really like. How had this even happened? They were joking around and suddenly their conversation had turned into some cheap therapy.

"Well, I trust my instinct, Maura. If I don't feel it then I don't go for it. Easy." Jane took a sip of her beer in a way she hoped casual enough. Of course she had probably failed but lying to herself wasn't very complicated. "Besides, I don't need people to seduce me. I mean, why do they even do that? If I'm interested in someone then I can let this person know. I can be flirty too if I want to..."

Maura's giggles bruised Jane's ego. What was funny? She hadn't said anything that she didn't think was true. Trying to ignore the discomfort that had passed underneath her skin, Jane frowned at Maura and cleared her voice nervously. She made a step forward but finally came back to her initial position by the fridge.

"Who are you kidding, Jane? You aren't a seductive person. I have never seen you flirt with anyone I mean... Not really. There were glimpses eventually but it was never a full attitude of seduction. But it is just fine. Some people are simply not made for it."

Now that was an insult. Losing her nerves, Jane pursed her lips and put down her bottle of beer on the kitchen counter way too angrily for Maura to not laugh at it.

"I. Can. Be. Flirty." Just because it didn't happen very often didn't mean that she didn't have seduction skills. "Wanna bet?"

Maura shrugged, too afraid to bruise her friend's ego even more. She knew that she had pushed Jane's buttons and that she couldn't go too far either.

They were just having fun. She liked teasing Jane just as Jane liked teasing her.

It was supposed to remain harmless.

Not saying a word, Maura remained by the sink and timidly smiled at her friend. She didn't know what to do nor what to say. Yet an ounce of surprise invaded her the moment she saw Jane come closer to her with a mysterious sparkle in her eyes and that proud smirk that yelled that she was the one who was right.

"You don't know what you just asked for, Maur'..."

Jane's hoarse voice lowered of an octave. It resounded low and oddly delicate; almost subtle. Arousing, perhaps. Maura wanted to say something but the words stayed trapped in her throat. What was going on? The pace of their conversation had drastically changed within a second.

Jane only stopped the moment her body brushed Maura's and she had indirectly pinned her against the counter.

She subtly leaned over – winning a few more inches – and placed her arms on both sides of her friend to make sure that she wouldn't be able to escape. Hands on the kitchen counter, Jane locked her eyes with Maura's hazel ones.

"Seduction has little to do with dresses and stilettos, with makeup and silly little – girlie – scenarios. It's all about being yourself and knowing how to use what your natural weapons... Your voice, your eyes... A subtle smile..."

Jane was winning an inch for every word she said. Maura was at her mercy, she knew it. She had frozen and looked hypnotized by whatever was happening.

With a bold delicacy, Jane brought a knee between her friend's legs and slightly lifted it while she let her fingers slide up Maura's hips. Maura held back a gasp and swallowed hard befoe finding the courage to reply.

"You won't dare..."

Maura's voice had never been so full of uncertainty. She was about to add something – anything to provoke Jane – when her friend took her aback by capturing her lips with eagerness and determination. Roughly.

Jane deepened the kiss immediately and grabbed Maura by the nape to drag her even closer.

She only let go of her friend the moment she started lacking air. Breathless, she made a tiny step backwards and smirked at Maura.

"I told you I'd win at this game."


	5. Five- Explanatory

**Author's note: Thank you very much for the reviews, messages and suggestions.**

 **...**

 **Five – Explanatory**

"My sister married her partner two months ago in The Hamptons. It was a beautiful wedding."

Maura repressed a laugh and brightly smiled instead. A hand clutched to her glass of champagne, she politely nodded at her interlocutor and cast a glance at Jane the moment her friend somehow excused herself and left.

"Are the two of you planning on getting married any time soon as well?"

A running gag. Maura couldn't see it as any other thing now. At first she had taken the more or less subtle remarks for an odd coincidence but after an hour of insinuations regarding a supposedly romantic relationship she would have with Jane, she had simply come to the conclusion that it was a running gag.

There was not a single person in this room who didn't think that they weren't together; that they weren't a couple.

Did their respective outfits match too much? Had they showed any kind of sign that could let people assume that they were more than friends, close friends? They hadn't adopted any specific kind of behavior though. They were just being themselves. Why people suddenly assumed that they were an item went beyond their understanding.

But if Maura did find the situation relatively funny, Jane on the contrary had hidden herself behind a heavy curtain of silence and the polite smile that had played on her lips at the beginning of the evening seemed now to belong to a past that oddly sounded nothing but exotic and utopian.

Yes, it bothered her and so what? She was in her right to feel this way, wasn't she? After all, she and Maura were just friends. Why did people always assumed that there was something more? Why?

"Who knows what the future has in store for us? Although I can assure you that – for the moment – there is not any wedding in sight." Maura proudly smiled at herself. She had spent the evening playing with words just to make sure that she wouldn't have to lie and thus get hives. Of course she could have simply said that she and Jane weren't an item but the truth was that she found a certain pleasure in the idea of letting people live their fantasy to the fullest. "Although... Congratulations to you sister and her wife."

Maura had attended more charity events than she could remember in her life but none had been as entertaining as this one. She had almost forgotten the actual purpose of the evening. Jane on the other hand seemed to be on the verge of either passing out or strangling someone.

And the ride back home – to Maura's home – didn't change Jane's state of mind. She had thought that once they would leave, everything would go back to normal but the heavy discomfort she had felt during the evening still weighed a lot on her heart; too much.

She didn't say the slightest word until they reached Beacon Hill. Focused on the streets of Boston that were speeding past in front of her eyes out of the window, she avoided Maura's eyes.

"It was a nice evening. A bit unusual maybe but nonetheless nice..." Maura stepped outside her car and started walking towards her house. "Would you like a drink?"

"No. I'm going back home. Goodnight."

Jane's tone wasn't particularly snappy but it nonetheless took Maura aback. For long seconds she remained still on the sidewalk – uncertain of what was going on – but finally reacted just on time. She had tried to convince herself that Jane had had a nice time at the charity but she hadn't managed to fool herself and she was now ready to accept it.

"Jane! Wait... What is going on with you? You have been... Very silent, tonight. You didn't enjoy yourself much, did you? I am sorry. I invited you thinking that you would like it. Obviously I was wrong."

Something ached in Jane's heart as Maura's disappointment rose loud and clear in the peaceful night. She turned around and shook her head at her friend before crossing her arms against her chest in a protective attempt.

"I just wish they'd focused on the real purpose of the evening instead of... You know... Losing their mind to their little scenario about you and I."

Maura blinked. She was confused. What was Jane talking about? What had people said about them that it put her in such a state of frustration? And then it hit her. Suddenly. Unexpectedly.

"Oh!" A delicate smiled started playing on her lips. "I have to say that I found it rather entertaining. Why did you take it so badly? It is harmless..."

"Well, because it's not true!" Alright. Perhaps she should lower her voice if only a little bit if she didn't want Maura's neighbors to call the police. "I'm fed up with people making constant innuendos and it's not just tonight. It's... Every day! Everywhere! I don't like that!" Jane frowned and pursed her lips. "I don't like that at all."

Maura hadn't expected any outburst from Jane. She perfectly knew what her friend was talking about but it didn't bother her and she had wrongly assumed that Jane felt the same.

"Don't take it too much at heart, Jane. You know where the truth lies. Nothing else matters, in the end. Besides, there is nothing shameful about it."

"Well, you know what? Actually it does. It does matter because... Because..." Jane's nervous attitude sharply contrasted with Maura's deep quietness. Something had got released inside of her, something powerful and intense that made her feel dizzy. The words were coming out without her to be able to control them properly. "It matters because... Because it's not true and yet it's... It's exactly how I'd like it to be." Jane swallowed hard as reality hit her. "... Maybe...?"

What had she just said? What had she just implied? Where did it come from?

Her heart was beating so fast that she could barely hear the traffic in the distance. Shocked, Jane remained still and stared blankly at Maura who seemed just as surprised.

"This is what you want? With me?" The perplexity in Maura's voice echoed her shaking tone. She made a step towards Jane and shrugged. Her self-confidence had vanished behind a curtain of timidity. "Really?"

Jane had lost the plot. Something had happened – something big that had pushed away a weight she had learned to live with for the past few years – but it had taken her aback and she didn't know what to say anymore.

"Yeah...?"

In spite of the blatant uncertainty in Jane's voice caused by the importance of the moment, Maura closed the distance with her friend and planted a delicate kiss on her lips. A promising one, a bit timid. She then broke apart and locked her eyes with Jane's dark ones.

She smiled.

"Then we want the exact same thing."


	6. Six - Subconscious

**Six – Subconscious**

"Do you ever wonder what your life would be if you hadn't made some choices in the past?" Jane bit her lower lip – frowned – and remained focused on the ceiling. Arms crossed on her chest, she was enjoying the quietness of the evening. "I mean, you know. Obviously you wouldn't be here now."

Lying in the same position next to her on the bed, Maura smiled. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Perhaps she had had too much wine. Unless she was simply tired. They had had a very long and stressful week at work and had decided to spend a quiet evening at Jane's instead of going out to the movies as they used to every Friday night when their schedule allowed them to have a few hours off. But now that she felt a bit numb, Maura regretted to have indulged into this nonetheless delicious bottle of Brouilly.

"Do you?"

Jane cleared her voice in disapproval and rolled on her side to properly look at her friend.

She had no idea why she suddenly felt the urge to have such a serious conversation but she didn't want to let go of it either. Her curiosity pushed her to not renounce to it and her legendary stubbornness would make sure that this would never happen.

"Don't answer my question by a question, Maura."

"Fine..." Maura turned her head and locked her eyes with Jane's dark ones. She was lying a few inches from her and looked just as tired as her. "Sometimes. Yes, I guess that I think about it from time to time. Who doesn't? I don't mean from a career point of view because I always knew that I would become a medical doctor but it could have happened in another city; in another country."

The answer wasn't as exciting as Jane had hoped it to be but Maura had nonetheless be sincere and she appreciated it. A lot.

"Do you regret the choices you made? The choices that led you here?"

Why did she feel the urge to insist so much on this? She wasn't feeling particularly melancholic. Not a single ghost from the past had showed up recently in her life, forcing her to put everything back in question. So why? Why this existential speech?

"Absolutely not. Do you?"

Maura's confidence troubled Jane. She hadn't hesitated a single second. She had answered her question right away as if it couldn't be more evident.

If knowing that Maura considered her current life as the one she liked was comforting, the spontaneity of her reply troubled Jane. She had a lot more hesitation than her friend.

"All in all... No... But... There're some things I wouldn't mind erasing. Mistakes and stuff, you know. Yeah, maybe I'd change a couple of things."

"But we learn from our mistakes, we grow thanks to them. They are actually a very important part of our lives. There is no real failure as long as we learn something. You lead a very good life, Jane. You are doing great."

Jane laughed lightly. The compliment was really touching but she wasn't certain that she entirely deserved it. The last two cases she had worked on hadn't been solved and the complex trial of an old one started in three days. She wasn't going through a bad patch but a realistic one. Working as a homicide detective didn't always mean facing happy and fair endings.

"Yeah, I know. Don't be worried." She approached Maura and gently settled against her. Such gesture of affection rarely came from her. She usually didn't dare, for whatever reason. Yet tonight she felt vulnerable, too tired to think about it twice. "The one thing I'm really glad about is that I met you at some point. You're a weirdo but I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world."

Jane rolled her eyes. Seriously? What was going on that she was now being all sentimental? It had to be hormonal. There was not any other explanation to her weird state of mind.

Thankfully Maura didn't seem to notice anything or she was just too polite to make a remark about it. She settled in a more comfortable position against Jane and yawned before closing her eyes. Something told her that she wouldn't go back home tonight.

They fell asleep. It wasn't the first time this happened. As a matter of fact, it ocurred quite often. They just didn't say it to anyone. What for? Way too many people already thought that their friendship was slightly borderline.

They didn't want to add fuel to the gossip, to the quiet remarks.

Yet a noise woke up Maura in the middle of the night. Or at least she thought so. Because by the time the fog of her dreams vanished and she let reality set in back, she realized that a feather touch was the reason why she was now awake in the middle of the night.

She didn't move an inch – shamefully not eager to break the whole thing – but opened her eyes as if to make sure that it wasn't just a dream.

Jane was peacefully sleeping, so close to her that Maura could barely see anything but the way a lock of dark hair had fallen on her face to come to die against their locked lips.

They had fallen asleep in each other's arms and subconsciously kissed. Or so. Maura didn't really know. Who had closed the distance? When? Why? Their lips were now touching in a warm and comforting way.

She didn't panic. The position was a bit strange but delicate and beautiful in a way she couldn't really explain. She closed back her eyes and focused on the touch – almost imperceptible – of Jane's lips against hers.

It wouldn't last. One of them would probably shift their position in their sleep and they would wake up the next morning unaware of what had happened. As a matter of fact and now that she thought about it, perhaps it had already happened in the past.

She just hadn't woken up to realize it.

Unlike now.

 _How could I regret my choices, Jane? How could I regret the life I have now? You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I know that you will always be. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change anything._ _I owe you my laughs, my smiles. My happiness. You mean the world to me, Jane. There can't be any regret, any what-if._ _You are an evidence. I love you more than you will ever imagine._ _You were never a choice but a logic. A pure logic. Thank you for everything._

The End

 **Author's note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages. This series of one shots could have been an endless one, actually I still have plenty of ideas for it, but my schedule is such (I start working for the French Open tomorrow) that I have to stop it for now although maybe one day I will write a The Kiss Vol. 2 lol**

 **As planned and previously announced, I will be back on June 10th with the story that had disappeared with the hacking of my account, To Life. In the meantime, I wish you all a good time full of Rizzles and fanfics.**


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